Living: Walking Prayerfully

     There is a spiritual war going on inside of me right now. I have no doubt about that. I also have no doubt that I have been called to a specific trip to Ethiopia this summer (see previous post) and this is where my trouble is arising. As soon as you decide to follow through and obey God, Satan will try to find a foothold. But God will be your strength and his word never returns void. Paul has called us to put on the full armor of God. On one side I can hear Satan trying to get ahold of me, whispering "You aren't equipped." "You're too young" and "You don't know what you're getting yourself into." But on the other is God comforting me and reassuring me of the path he has laid out. His peace is so overwhelming, I just want to bask in it forever. So I will keep pressing on. I must remain obedient and faithful.


My prayer this morning:
"Father, I awoke today feeling so uneasy. I haven't a clue where this doubt came from but it is here nevertheless. I fear that I am spiritually immature and inadequate for this task but I know that you will always be by my side. I am so thankful that you consider me trustworthy enough that you called me to go. God, thank you for appointing me to serve you, for never letting your word return void and for remembering all of your children. Have mercy on us and begin a work in those we will be ministering to that will last through the generations. Please let our work bear much fruit and all for your glory. Thank you for your unfailing love. In Jesus Name, Amen."

Quiet Time Scriptures:

"That is why God had mercy on me, so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life. Glory and honor to God forever and ever. His is the eternal King, the unseen one who never dies; he alone is God. Amen."     1 Timothy 1:16-17

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are yound, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.      1 Timothy 4:12

"How thankful I am to Christ Jesus our Lord for considering me trustworthy and appointing me to serve him."     1 Timothy 1:12

Oh, how thankful I am indeed!

Living: My Call to Ethiopia

    Over the course of time God has really softened my heart toward the people of Africa as a whole and I've known about his desire for me to go and serve them for the past few years. He has been using this time to prepare me and has just recently given me an actual date to go. This summer I will be going to Ethiopia on a Go-Trip mission with a group of a few other students and a professor who are also from OBU. I feel so honored that God would choose to use me and I am so excited to watch him work as we are there. The next passages are excerpts from my journal and quiet times since knowing about this trip in particular and show my spiritual journey in preparation for this opportunity.


11/1/10

Wisdom is of more value than foolishness, just as light is better than darkness.
Ecclesiastes 2:13

"In order to be a light to this world I must also have wisdom. God, I am ready to go wherever you want me to go. Reveal your plan for me and give me the wisdom that I need so that I may walk in truth and do as you please."

11/2/10

If you need wisdom - if you want to know what God wants you to do - ask him, and he will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking. But when you ask him, be sure that you really expect him to answer, for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. People like that should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. They can't make up their minds. They waiver back and forth in everything they do.
James 1:5-8

"Father, I know my requests never come back unanswered. Sometimes you may tell me yes, others no, and still others you say later but you always hear my cry. I know you have laid Ethiopia on my heart for a reason. Show me that this is what you have planned for me. Let me know without question that this is what you would have me do."

11/28/10

After praying day by day I "randomly" opened up to this passage. Surely it was a direct answer from the Lord and I took it to heart:

Jeremiah's Call and Vision
The Lord gave me a message. He said, I knew you before I formed you in your mothers womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my spokesperson to the world. "O Sovereign Lord," I said, "I can't speak for you! I'm too young!" "Don't say that," the Lord replied, "for you must go wherever I send you and say whatever I tell you. And don't be afraid of the people, for I will be with you and take care of you. I, the Lord, have spoken."
Jeremiah 1:4-8

I am also reminded of a verse in 1 Timothy,

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12

"God you are so good and your answer is so clear. I have no fear because I know you are with me and I am so thankful to be covered in your peace. Use me to further your kingdom and show me the way. Give me an even stronger conviction, a passion to serve them like no other before. These are a people who are dying inside and desperately need your grace. Break down all language barriers. Let our love for them shine through. Pour out your mercy on them. Let our commission bear much fruit."

1/11/11

I had already started reading through the Old Testament in hopes of finishing the entire Bible before my trip. And I have also secretly started to worry about what I will say as I have never been on a trip like this before, but there is no hiding from the Lord and in my daily reading God speaks to me,

"Who makes mouths?" The Lord asked him. "Who makes people so that they can speak or not speak, hear or not hear, see or not see? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go, and do as I have told you. I will help you speak well, and I will tell you what to say."
Exodus 4:11-12

I am awestruck at His response to my heart even though I was not ready to admit my insecurity. Surely I will not fail with the Lord who created all beside me!

1/30/11
I heard a new song during worship at church today and it has become the cry of my heart:
Chris Tomlin's I will follow.

Where you go I'll go
where you stay I'll stay
when you move I'll move
I will follow
Who you love I'll love,
how you serve I'll serve
If this life I lose
I will follow you.

Learning: Following God's Call

    I've been an artist for as long as I can remember. My mom still brags about how I would sit at the table completely occupied coloring for hours since I was just two. As I grew older my talent grew with me. I was often confused when people were amazed at my work because it came so naturally to me. And I still haven't quite grasped this but I have learned to embrace it. My drawings evolved in time from stick figures and animals, to copying cartoons, to more elaborate pieces now. I believe that there is always room to grow. That a piece is never finished. I believe that art affects everyone. That there is a certain connection between us when we experience it. And I also believe that there is a divine connection between the art we see, the way we convey it and the condition of our souls.
     Although I have not always been faithful in following God's call I am trying my best to live for him now. For a while I was hesitant to follow his direction even though I know I should. But since my time at OBU I have switched my major from Nursing to Graphic Design. And he has opened so many doors because of that obedience. I thank God for choosing to use me. For wanting to use me. I thank God alone for the talents he has given me more and more as I realize how few are blessed in such a way. There is no way I could have developed them on my own. And all that I ask is that Jesus be glorified in every work that I do.
     One opened door was an opportunity presented to me today. Today I was asked if I would be interested in painting during chapel soon! What an amazing opportunity! I do have to admit though that really don't feel equipped and each time I think about it I start to worry and freak out at the idea of so many people watching me. Until now my painting has been a personal act of worship and a way to get lost and focus on God alone. Live painting will be completely different because I will have to engage so many others in worship and get the piece done in a much quicker span of time.
     But I knew there were going to be big changes after I finally submitted to his will. Besides, God uses the humble and willing not necessarily the 'qualified' right? So I have started thinking of a few scenes I can use to illustrate the life of Jesus for chapel and I am asking God to give me the strength to be everything he has called me to be. I know that he will do great things! I am so blessed in all the ways he is choosing to use me to further his kingdom right now! This is just one step closer to becoming exactly who he wants me to be.

"God's kingdom is like a man going off on an extended trip. He called his servants together and delegated responsibilities.a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them. To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. The man who had received five bags of gold went at once and put his money to work and gained five bags more. So also, the one with two bags of gold gained two more. But the man who had received one bag went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money. “After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them.  The man who had received five bags of gold brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five bags of gold. See, I have gained five more.’ “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’ “The man with two bags of gold also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two bags of gold; see, I have gained two more.’ “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’ “Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you. His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.'

Matthew 25:14-30